I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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