Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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