PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
