bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
