your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
