Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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