Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
