anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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