Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
