dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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