Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
