just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
