so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
