Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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