I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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