This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
