The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
