HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
