we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize
