Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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