Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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