I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
