i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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