I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
