i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
