i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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