I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
