the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
