The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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