if only i could text you this smell
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
