He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
