Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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