Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
