whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
