you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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