Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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