Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
