and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
