i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
