if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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