Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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