Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
