can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
