i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
