I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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