It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
