She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
