so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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