You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
