Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
