last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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